Thursday, March 28, 2002

I'm all about Jill Scott's "Is It the Way?"

I want to address the comments to my last post.

First of all, thanks for posting. I think everyone should post if they read this blog. I like that fact that you did.

Second of all, please leave a name when you post. I would like to have a name to go with the comments. In this case, I know who you are, but that's pure chance because I live with you guys and know your mannerisms and your ways of speaking. (typing?)

Thirdly, I'd like to defend my choice of title for this piece of the internet. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I used to have another webpage called "Jen's Little Piece of the Web." After updating this site for a couple of years, I grew sick of the title. It was just... boring. It sounded like every other Tom, Dick, and Harry's personal homepage. So, when I started this blogger, I wanted to capture that romantic bent in my heart. I reached to the creative cores of my soul... and came up with nothing. So, I wanted to capture that search, and in my mind, "Dramatic Monotony" fit rather well. It combines the essence of nothingness and the pursuit of something. Now, both of you know that I started this page a long time before anything bad was even going on with the people in the dorm. Plus, you must remember that I started this thing when I was in the midst of a paper. Papers just demolish any sense of perspective.

Fourth of all, I don't think either of you understood the essence of my last post. I'm perfectly aware that I've been difficult to live with. I have one major fault, and that is that I keep grudges. It takes a lot for me to get hurt, but when I'm hurt, it all just adds up. And even you two have to admit that what you did hurt me a lot, and you know that. Even long after everyone else thinks it's resolved, I'm still remembering things and thinking about things. It's not a nice character trait, and I'm working on it. In that post this morning, I was taking a positive step. I said a big "whatever" to the entire dispute, and by doing that, it was an attempt for me to stop taking note of those grudges. By accepting the idea that I may not be best friends with everyone that I live with, I thought I was taking a big leap in my personal development. In fact, one of you two told me that very same thing a few nights ago. I'm trying to understand you guys, and I thought you knew... but I guess not.

Finally, I use this webpage as a way to vent. And I tend to dwell on the not-so-nice things because I need to have some way to talk about these things and let them out before they *really* bother me. It's not necessarily indicative of my views on every aspect of my day. I actually don't dwell on these things as much as it may seem... most of the time, I'm a rather contented individual. And you know that I get along with both of you. In fact, I just had dinner with one of you. Hell, I live with you guys... it's certainly not a warzone. I laugh with you all the time.

Anyway, I just wanted to clear this up for the sake of this journal. I'm not planning on stopping my blogger. You can decide whether you want to read or not. Because, to be honest, this is one part of my life that I have complete domain over. I thought by writing this out, it might help me gather my thoughts, because I'm certainly not going to let this issue lie fallow.