Sunday, April 14, 2002

"Gypsy" by Fleetwood Mac is gracing my speakers now

It's official. Jennifer Noble is ready to leave Marks Hall. I'm ready to reach beyond this small place.

I feel better about this. To those immediately surrounding me, I have one thing to say: You can all go around ignoring me, like you've been doing. You aren't my friends. I don't respect you. And I don't care. Not anymore. I tried so hard... and you didn't try at all. And I'm sick of it all. So, I'll be nice to you. I'll smile pleasantly. I don't want to ruin my last two weeks here. But you don't have any control over my heart anymore.

But to my true friends in Marks... I love you. Megan, Josh, Libby, Ian, Amy, Kristen, Andy, everyone on the other side of the hall, the boys downstairs... you've been amazing. I'm so happy that you were around. My year at USC has been awesome because of you guys.

And those outside of my dorm? I've never felt better in my life. I'm in the TMB, the coolest organization on campus. I've met so many fascinating people, people who have plans and ambitions, as well as people who make me laugh. I live in Southern California for nine months of the year! I feel the future urging me on... I'm returning to my roots, my core of who I am. It's time to go home, refresh, then come back and attack my opportunities. What can be so bad about that?

At the TO research conference, I realized that I love something. After years of being apathetic towards my educational goals, I now have a passion... gender studies. I want to pursue, investigate, and eventually understand the complexities that rule human sexuality. I think I'm sticking with my original major plan: English and Cinema Critical Studies, but I want to focus on this particular aspect of these disciplines. And maybe a graduate degree? I don't know... it's all out there, it's all in the hands of the Lord.

I'm going to write my paper now. And now the song's changed to "Rocket Man" by Elton John... appropriate. I feel like blasting off into the future... or just tomorrow.

A bit dramatic, n'est-ce pas? Ah, well. Nothing's wrong with feeling intensely.