Sunday, November 17, 2002

Warning: Please excuse the overly melodramatic tone of this post. I'm running on very little sleep, and I have an urge to say this for no particular reason.

Form Letter for Soured Relationships
"Dear _____

You don't like me. I know this, you know this. It's a proven fact. In fact, you've consistantly gone out of your way to piss me off, to belittle me, and to make me feel like shit. Whether through ignoring my existence or calling me names, you've pushed the right buttons. You got under my skin. I SHOULD despise you with the entirety of my soul. And for a while, I think I did.

But right now, it's too much hassle. I can't do it anymore. I just can't be mean. I just can't be a bitch. I just can't stoop to your level. Even the idea of continuing the pretense drains me. And when I see you looking frustrated and upset, I can't stand back and laugh at your misery. I truly care about you and your problems, even though you could care less about me. And you know what? This is okay. I wish I could summon up enough courage to say this to your face. But right now, I don't think you'd understand. You'd probably think this is some sort of devious ploy to wreck your life. It's not, I promise.

I wish we didn't have to spend our time posturing. It reeks of "tragedy."

I guess what I'm trying to say is... I don't hate you. Even though I don't know if we could ever be friends, I wanted you to know that I feel an affinity for you, and I don't see that changing. That's all.

Sincerely,
Jen"