Wednesday, September 24, 2003

A lot has happened this past week. A lot will be happening in the next few days. I'm running through life.

Last night, one of my residents collapsed after a fire drill. She couldn't move; she felt like vomiting but nothing was coming up. As my RC watched over her, I went to get my wallet and car keys. Nothing felt real. I felt like a cop as I drove down the sidewalk to retriever her from outside the building. I wasn't alone. Another RA and two of her friends accompanied us on the dark drive to Good Samaritan. It was just food poisoning... but I couldn't help thinking back to the time I drove my father to the emergency room. I thought he was going to die. And there I was again, waiting in a similar emergency waiting room. The minutes passed by slowly. My companions cracked stupid jokes to pass the time. Finally, after six and a half hours in that hospital, we left. My resident was fine. She's a bit weak now, but she'll be okay. I'm glad I didn't have to leave her, like I had to leave my dad those years ago. He was okay in the end too. But times like this, I get so scared. I don't want anything to happen to my residents, my friends, and especially my parents. I can't control these things, and that also scares me. But I was proud of my reaction - I appeared to be calm, a rock in hard times. Thank goodness no one saw my inner self freaking out.

Between this incident, the Reel World dinner, the mountains of homework, and the water-damaged cell phone, I've been dealing with a lot of shit. I'm on edge. I need to go on for another week and a half, then I can crash. Four papers, two midterms, the Radiohead/Supergrass concert, my haircut, the Weekender... these are all the things I anticipate and loathe, all at the same time.

What do I want to do when it's all over?

You guessed it. Sleep.