Sunday, May 19, 2002

"Pure Shores" by All Saints

I've gotten a brief taste of what graduation will be like... Second Baptist had a special banquet and church service for the graduating members of my class. And it felt sweet to be wearing that cap and gown... And it will feel sweet to finally have a bit of closure on that part of my life. I know I did the right thing, in leaving my high school. I felt bitter towards most of the people, most of the traditions, and most of the faculty. That's certainly not a formula for a successful year. By heading to USC, I left that environment before those cynical feelings became permanently ingrained in my memory. So now, I look back at my time at SBS with a certain fondness that I doubt I would've felt before. I've come to appreciate quite a bit of what I formerly disdained... perhaps that's just a part of growing up. Forgiving the flaws and cherishing the triumphs is just a natural progression towards maturity. Nostalgia isn't such a bad thing, but I need to stop torturing myself with the possibilities of "what if I stayed?" On Friday, it will all be over, permanently.

Continuing on this theme of introspection and self-discovery... I saw Life As a House today. I really rented it because I'm intrigued with Hayden Christensen. Let me explain... unlike the vast majority of female viewers of Episode II, I did not think he was "hot" or "sexy" or even really "handsome." His acting was mediocre, his hair was horrendous, and his physical appearance was, well, lacking. Yet when the camera was on him, I couldn't take my eyes off the screen. He has some sort of onscreen magnetism, an indefinable allure that makes me want to probe. His charming smile? The intense glimmer of his eyes? His choice of intonations? I don't know. But I want to soak him up in an attempt to try to understand my own preoccupation.

I'm like this with all boys, now that I think about it. I don't have a "type" that I'm attracted to, per se. The physical aspects vary widely, from skinny skater boy to buff all-American god to slightly-chubby musician nerd. Yet every male that I've ever had feelings towards has possessed this same mysterious quality. He's not quite ordinary. He's a bit off-kilter. Something is just a tad strange, a tad enigmatic. I want to study, examine, watch. In my own way, I attempt to crack the code, find out why he ticks, solve the mystery. I want a challenge... and to return to my original train of thought, Hayden Christensen challenges me.

I think to see Attack of the Clones again.

(BTW, Life as a House was a good movie. Kevin Kline was phenomenal. The story was a bit predictable, and the plot was filled with events that sometimes seemed too convenient, but the characters themselves were believable.)