Tuesday, November 16, 2004

I went to my first football game as a spectator on Saturday. It was simultaneously fabulous and horrible. I drank a beer, but I couldn't go on the field and perform. It was hard.

As I walked to APO boards with Mike Gangl, I encountered the rush of the marching band as they left the practice field. It was 6pm. A few people shouted their hellos. Jovan told me to "do a gig." Many waved and smiled at me.

And then, I found this.

In a half-finished journal, I wrote an entry for September 1, 2001. I remember this day clearly; it was the first football game of my freshman year.

September 1st, 2001

11:58...
the day is almost over.
September 1st is gone forever.
September 2nd approaches.

The distant roar of the crowds;
the exhilarating rush of performance;
the cool sweetness of water on the lips;
the stifling heat rising from the field;
With the 2nd, these experiences ...
are lost? ...
forgotten?...
or perhaps...
SAFE in the recesses of my heart.

It's now 12:02.

Soon, we shall see.

I never claimed it was great, but it brought back my joy for an activity. I had lost that; bitterness and hurt clouded many of my good memories. Yeah. I loved it. And I still love it, in a different way. I wish that things were different, but they aren't. So, I've got to take what I have/had and embrace it.